By Natalie Popova, Legal Consultant | Express Law Solutions
Introduction
My name is Natalie and I am a legal consultant practising in Family Law, Civil Protection, Property and Commercial Law in England and Wales. In my daily work, I meet people who are trapped in difficult, conflict-driven or toxic relationships and who are unsure where the line lies between a “personal problem” and a real legal risk.
Many believe that jealousy is love, that control is care, and that pressure is simply a personality trait.The law sees things very differently. This article provides a clear and practical legal perspective on when a relationship crosses the line into harassment — and how saying “NO” can carry real legal weight.
1. When Does a Relationship Become Harassment Under the Law?
Many people live for years believing that relationship problems are normal.
That arguments are part of love.
That jealousy shows commitment.
That monitoring is protection.
But when behaviour becomes systematic, unwanted and emotionally damaging, the law no longer sees it as a relationship issue. It becomes a legal matter.
A relationship stops being merely “difficult” and becomes harassment when:
- the behaviour is repeated
- the contact is unwanted
- it causes fear, anxiety, distress or psychological pressure
- it interferes with your normal life
Harassment does not require physical violence.
It is enough that the conduct creates fear, intimidation, pressure or emotional exhaustion.
If someone repeatedly:
- monitors you
- checks your phone or messages
- restricts your contacts
- pressures you emotionally
- refuses to accept “no”
- keeps you in constant tension
This is no longer a private conflict.
It is a violation of your personal autonomy.
This is the moment when a relationship moves from the private sphere into legal responsibility.
The Legal Framework: Protection from Harassment Act 1997
Under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 (England and Wales), harassment is defined as a course of conduct which:
- is unwanted
- is repeated (at least two incidents)
- causes alarm, distress or fear
- interferes with a person’s peace and security
Harassment may include:
- unwanted contact
- pressure and threats
- stalking and surveillance
- intimidation
- emotional manipulation
The law provides both criminal and civil protection.
Criminal Liability
- Offence of harassment
- More serious offence where the conduct causes fear of violence
Civil Protection
- Court injunctions (including non-molestation orders)
- Right to compensation
- Breach of an injunction is a criminal offence
Stalking Offences (introduced in 2012)
Under the Protection of Freedoms Act 2012:
- Stalking (Section 2A) – punishable by up to 6 months’ imprisonment
- Stalking involving fear of violence or serious distress (Section 4A) – punishable by up to 10 years’ imprisonment
The Key Legal Turning Point
The law does not require a slap, a threat or physical harm.
Harassment almost never starts with violence.
It starts with:
- control
- pressure
- monitoring
- manipulation
- emotional dependence
And slowly:
- concern becomes surveillance
- care becomes restriction
- love becomes fear
Many people say:
“But he doesn’t hit me.”
“She is just jealous.”
“All couples argue.”
The law does not agree.
When behaviour is:
- systematic
- unwanted
- intrusive
- emotionally harmful
It is harassment.
At that moment, the relationship stops being a personal matter.
It becomes a legal issue.
2. How to Set a Boundary That Has Legal Force
How to Say “NO” — Legally
From a legal perspective, “NO” is not just an emotional reaction.
It is a statement of legal will.
When clearly expressed, it creates a protected legal boundary.
Any breach of that boundary may engage legal liability.
The law does not require complex legal language.
Your statement must simply be:
- clear
- unambiguous
- provable (in writing)
Examples of legally effective wording:
- “I do not wish to have any further contact with you. Please stop contacting me.”
- “This contact is unwanted. Do not contact me again.”
- “Any further attempts to contact me will be treated as harassment.”
Once such a message is sent, any further contact may qualify as harassment under the Act.
What Weakens Your Legal Position
These phrases sound polite, but legally they are ineffective:
❌ “Maybe we can talk later…”
❌ “I don’t want to hurt you…”
❌ “Perhaps I’m overreacting…”
❌ “Let me think about it…”
❌ “I don’t want to cause drama…”
❌ “Maybe another time…”
They:
- do not contain a clear refusal
- leave the door open for continued contact
- allow manipulation and pressure
In harassment cases, the law looks for a clear boundary.
Legal Conclusion
Under English law:
✔ Repeated unwanted behaviour is a criminal offence
✔ Physical violence is not required
✔ Psychological pressure is sufficient
✔ A clearly stated “NO” creates legal protection
✔ Any further contact becomes legally actionable
After “NO”, contact is no longer communication.
It is a violation.
Your Rights When You Set Personal Boundaries
Under the law of England and Wales, setting a personal boundary is not “being difficult” or “being aggressive”. It is the exercise of lawful autonomy. Every individual is entitled to personal privacy, psychological safety, freedom from fear, pressure and intimidation, and protection from unwanted contact. These rights underpin how harassment, domestic abuse and coercive behaviour are assessed in practice: the law is not concerned with whether your boundary feels “reasonable” to the other person, but whether the conduct is unwanted, repeated, and harmful.
In legal terms, a clearly stated boundary can also become the foundation for protection. Once you have communicated that contact is not welcome, any continued course of conduct may move from the realm of interpersonal conflict into the realm of legal responsibility.
“NO” Across Different Legal Contexts
The legal function of “NO” becomes particularly important in situations where relationships intersect with legal consequences. In separation and divorce, “NO” may define immediate protective steps, including boundaries around communication, the home, and the welfare of children. In domestic abuse contexts, it may trigger urgent applications for protective orders and can be supported by evidence of coercive or controlling behaviour. In employment disputes, “NO” may relate to refusal, termination, harassment at work and the need to preserve evidence for a grievance or tribunal claim.
In each context the principle is the same: the law does not require perfect language, but it does require clarity and proof.
Evidence: Why Documentation Is Often the Deciding Factor
Many legal disputes are not decided by what happened, but by what can be proved. This is why documentation is not optional — it is the core of legal protection. A practical rule applies in almost every claim or application: no evidence, no case.
Where possible, communication should be kept in writing (email, SMS, WhatsApp, Messenger, letters). Written communication creates a traceable record and reduces the scope for denial or reinterpretation later. If a phone call is unavoidable, it is good practice to confirm the substance of the call immediately afterwards in writing, for example:
“As discussed on the phone today, I confirm that…”
or, in a more formal register:
“Further to our telephone conversation today, I confirm the following…”
Keeping a Contemporaneous Record
Courts and police often place significant weight on a contemporaneous record — a record made at or close to the time of the events. This can be as simple as a structured note of dates, times, locations, what was said or done, and whether any witnesses were present. Consistency matters: a clear timeline showing escalation and repetition may be more persuasive than a single dramatic incident.
Preserving Evidence
Evidence should be preserved systematically: messages, emails, voice notes, photos, videos, letters, agreements, screenshots, call logs. The general rule is simple — do not delete anything, even if it seems minor. Harassment cases often turn on patterns, and patterns are proved through accumulated detail.
Where your health is affected, medical records (GP appointments, psychological support, fit notes) may also become relevant. Where police have attended or social services have been involved, keep reference numbers, incident logs, or any written summaries. These documents can anchor your narrative in independent records.
Formal Boundary-Setting: A Clear Written Statement
A formal boundary should be short, direct, and unambiguous. For example:
“I do not wish to have any further contact with you. Please do not contact me again.”
Once this is sent, any continued unwanted contact may acquire legal significance under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, because the other person cannot credibly argue that they did not know the contact was unwanted.
When Police, a Lawyer, or the Court Becomes Necessary
Police involvement is appropriate where there is fear, threats, stalking, harassment, violence, or an immediate risk to safety. A lawyer is usually needed when legal rights must be protected through formal steps: drafting correspondence, advising on evidence, preparing applications and statements, and assessing the best route (civil remedy, family court protection, criminal complaint). Court involvement becomes necessary where boundaries are repeatedly breached and formal protective or enforcement mechanisms are required.
Illustrative Case-Law Themes: Continued Contact After a Clear “NO”
English courts have repeatedly confirmed that harassment can arise from persistent unwanted contact, including messages, calls, online surveillance and conduct framed as “concern” or “good intentions”. The focus is not on the perpetrator’s claimed motive, but on the objective effect and the repeated nature of the conduct.
Cases such as Thomas v News Group Newspapers Ltd [2001] demonstrate that continued pursuit after an explicit refusal may constitute harassment even outside intimate relationships. Decisions including Hayes v Willoughby [2013] UKSC 17 emphasise that “good intentions” are not a blanket defence if the conduct remains oppressive and persistent. In practice, the common theme is consistent: once “NO” is clearly stated, further unwanted contact becomes legally risky.
When the Law Draws the Line and Stops the Harassment
There comes a point where patience stops being a virtue and becomes a risk. When another person’s behaviour interferes with your safety, peace and dignity, the law no longer treats it as a private dispute. The boundary is no longer emotional — it becomes legal.
When “NO” has been stated clearly and is ignored, the law provides enforceable mechanisms to stop the conduct. Protective orders are not symbolic; they are binding legal restrictions with real consequences for breach.
Non-Molestation Orders: What They Are and When They Are Made
A Non-Molestation Order is a protective injunction available in England and Wales under the Family Law Act 1996. It prohibits a person from molesting another — in practice, this can include contact, threats, harassment, intimidation, surveillance, and coercive or controlling behaviour. The order can also restrict a person from attending specified locations (home, workplace, children’s school) where this is necessary for protection.
A court may grant the order where there is evidence of domestic abuse, threats, harassment, controlling conduct, stalking, or fear for personal safety. Importantly, orders may be made urgently (without notice to the other party) where immediate protection is required, and then reviewed at a subsequent hearing.
Breach of a Non-Molestation Order is a criminal offence and can lead to arrest and prosecution.
This sits within the modern legal understanding of domestic abuse reflected in the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, which recognises that abuse is not limited to physical violence and may include emotional, psychological and economic abuse.
Police Powers and Protective Routes
Where risk is immediate, police powers may be engaged to prevent escalation and safeguard the victim. In practice, policing powers to arrest and investigate derive from statutes including the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984. Targeted protective mechanisms also exist for stalking, including orders under the Stalking Protection Act 2019, designed to restrict stalking behaviour before it escalates further.
Put simply: if you are afraid, that fear can be legally relevant. The law is designed to intervene before the situation becomes worse — the aim is prevention, not punishment after the harm is done.
Conclusion
Harassment and stalking are not matters of personal sensitivity or relationship breakdown. Under English law, they constitute serious criminal and civil wrongs engaging the fundamental rights to personal security, dignity, and psychological integrity.
The Protection from Harassment Act 1997, as strengthened by the Protection of Freedoms Act 2012 and the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, establishes a comprehensive legal framework in which persistent unwanted conduct is no longer treated as a private dispute, but as a matter of public protection and legal accountability.
Once an individual has clearly communicated that contact is unwanted, any continued course of conduct may give rise to criminal liability, civil injunctions, and immediate protective intervention by the courts and the police.
The law therefore recognises a clear principle:
Personal boundaries are legally enforceable.
Silence is not consent.
Persistence is not affection.
And fear is not normal.
Legal Framework and Statutory Authorities (England and Wales)
1. Protection from Harassment Act 1997
The Protection from Harassment Act 1997 constitutes the primary statutory framework governing harassment in England and Wales. It establishes both criminal liability and civil remedies in respect of conduct amounting to harassment.
Key provisions include:
- Section 1 — Statutory prohibition of harassment
- Section 2 — Creation of the criminal offence of harassment
- Section 4 — Harassment involving fear of violence
- Civil remedies — Injunctive relief and claims for damages
The Act enables victims to pursue both criminal prosecution and civil protection, including restraining orders and compensation.
Official legislation:
2. Protection of Freedoms Act 2012
The Protection of Freedoms Act 2012 amended the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 by introducing specific criminal offences relating to stalking.
Relevant provisions include:
- Section 2A — Stalking
- Section 4A — Stalking involving fear of violence or serious alarm or distress
These amendments recognise stalking as a distinct form of harassment, reflecting its cumulative and coercive nature.
Official legislation:
3. Domestic Abuse Act 2021
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 significantly expanded the statutory definition of domestic abuse, expressly recognising non-physical forms of harm.
The Act includes within its scope:
- Emotional abuse
- Coercive or controlling behaviour
- Economic abuse
- Psychological abuse
This legislative development affirms that domestic abuse is not confined to physical violence and establishes a broader safeguarding framework for victims.
Official legislation:
4. Family Law Act 1996
The Family Law Act 1996 provides the legal foundation for protective civil remedies, including:
- Non-molestation orders
- Occupation orders
These orders are designed to prevent further abuse and to regulate occupation of the family home where necessary to ensure personal safety.
Official legislation:
5. Stalking Protection Act 2019
The Stalking Protection Act 2019 introduced Stalking Protection Orders, enabling courts to impose proactive restrictions on perpetrators to prevent escalation and safeguard victims at an early stage.
Official legislation:
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